Blinded: We Miss The Obvious Signs

When I first started this blog, it was about documenting my rise to the top of the world with my muse, Alice striding beside me. It was about capturing dreams and ideals that people think are impossible. During that time, I found the love of my life, something that billions of people spend their lives searching for. For me, it was easy like most of the things in my life. I was at the right place at the right time and we hit it off. We have a beautiful story that people would die for and we pride on what we have.

It didn’t take long for me to abandon the original purpose of this blog. It was then about being the top at the fastest pace. My muse remained my muse, but that is all she was to me for the past two years, my muse. When I needed strength to go on, I go to her. When I soar, I left her behind. “Nobody said it was easy, but nobody said it would so hard,” wrote Coldplay. Memories of us replay in my mind for the past two months like a broken record. However, every recollection is a different experience, allowing me to relive each moment from different vantage points. We watch and read the ghosts of Christmas past as a fabled feel-good story, but when you made the biggest mistake of your life, the story holds true and ghosts of your past would come nudging you. Tears would stream down uncontrollably as I wish I could turn back time. I would cringe at every word I said and every action I took.

I would ask myself the question, “How did I miss that?” As human beings, Alice would said, we are innately selfish, but with love, we would be selfless. Does it mean that when you love, you would be selfless. I loved her, but I was still selfish. Until this past week, when I would let her go, that I realize that it is not the idea of love that makes you selfless. It is when you truly love, then you’ll see that you could be selfless. I had to let her go. I could see it in her eyes. But what does it all mean? She was hugging me in the supermarket just less than a week ago when we were buying our groceries. “We were happy for the past week!” I would exasperate. But that doesn’t change the script that I wrote for us. But as we diverge from the path we were on, I find myself falling in love with her again and she too. I will never forget the day, 24th of November, when she would rush into the room and hug me, saying that she is falling in love with me again. I truly did not see this coming, but as I sat quietly in my car ride home today, I realize that I falling in love with her again.

Throughout this two-and-a-half years, I didn’t fall out of love with her completely, I took her for granted. In the past year, no matter how much of a jerk I was, I would not be able to live for more than two days without her voice. This past Thursday, 12th of December, when I woke up at 7:30 a.m, I find myself almost in tears because she was no where to be found. I cannot stop thinking about her. I find myself no longer having the appetite to eat anymore because I lost my muse. Simply that, I lost the love of my life.

This brings me back to the topic of this post – We Miss The Obvious Signs. Despite all these things that I’ve said, the opportunities to make right were all in front of me. I didn’t have to find her, she was there. I didn’t need to create a chance to make amends, she presented them to me. I didn’t need to try to figure out, her alarm sings it every single day. I find these thoughts a revelation, but if only I actually listen to the lyrics of her alarm. I’m not sure if she set that ringtone as a reminder or it is just a coincidence, but I finally understood the song and being able to relate to the song. I can no longer salvage nor can I say that it would be alright. Right now, all I can hope for is that, we can go back to the start. I still believe in us, and I am falling in love again with Alice. Now all I want and all I wish for is to go back to the start again and to take every opportunity to love her.

Clock waits for no one
Summer followed by fall
My heart is hurting like never before
and it crawls
and it crawls

It feels like catch-22
Her arms are beyond reach
The longer it creeps
The further she is away
Just pursue
Just pursue
Just pursue

There is one thing that would turn this around
Like an hourglass turned upside down
for true love’s separation
to other destinations
will reunite us
in this circle of love

Listen

“Be quick to listen and slow to speak”
Listen is a modest act that has been underestimated especially in the society operating in this present day. Take Facebook for example. Isn’t Facebook’s mission to act as a social networking platform for people to reconnect? Undoubtedly it serves it’s purpose but what has been the main activity going on Facebook?

It has become a site to spread viral information and memes. Information is spread in a split of a second. Recently, a friend of mine found a camera belonging to a French family. In hoping to return the camera to its rightful owner, he extracted a picture from the camera and made a share-post. In a day or two, the owner saw the announcement through his news feed and contacted my friend.

But most of all, what have we become? We, as Facebook users, have became slaves to this seemingly innocuous interface. Students are seen announcing their exodus from this “Jerusalem” a week before Exam as if dead week is like an opportunity for a sabbatical. The degree of attachment we have developed is a manifested consequence of what Facebook did for us. Ever heard people saying “Can you hear me? I am shouting out for attention!” Well, we might as well just say that out loud with the way we have pimped out ourselves. A few years ago, I read an article called ” Are you a Facebook narcissist?” Facebook has been reinforcing  the narcissistic side of us by allowing us to just share our thoughts out there and making us believe that our friends are actually hearing what we say. In real life, we expect people to listen and their body languages tell us if they are actually listen. But in social sites, a simple click on the “Like” button somehow does the trick. People no longer expect us to listen and a short comment and like from us will just do. As we add friends, we obey the law of social convention and send a “poke.” But soon, as we grow comfortable, we begin to forget that social convention requires us to perform a series of protocol to ensure that the benefits we reaped such as popularity or support continue. So what is left are just unlimited supply of thoughts.

Writing all these posts makes me realize that refinement is no longer my motivation and I have become crude in my thinking and writing. Help me.

Sincerely,
Noah

Cynical or Naive

A picture they say speaks a thousand words. A thousand words spur a ton of stories. But is there truth in any of those? For a picture captures – through a perspective – a shot of image, that image is oblivious towards the surrounding information left out of that picture. If a picture shows a married man kissing a young socialite, what judgment would be placed upon the man? Could the man be doing so to save the woman from another man? The foreplay and aftermath are often left unraveled as one place his opinion and judgment based on what they perceive and not entirely what is given to them.

Such cynicism is apparent in society,  and up until this instance, I believe is also in us. Religion is so appealing because it gives people the excuse to ignore the cynical thoughts in their head and substitute them with a totalitarian answer – God’s way.  But one has to wonder if they have live enough if they are still appalled at the sight of cynicism. On the other hand, we have to ponder if we have been misguided to be so cynical. Cynical, bitter, and spiteful are being linked together and often a package of trait. I squandered on a solution a year ago and hopefully this solution will lead me to what I am looking for.

Sincerely,
Noah

The Silent Thinker and The Hidden Wishlist

Dissociation is the detachment of oneself from his conscious state of mind. This process is given different names in different context. A maladaptive degree leads to a psychological disorder. If done too often, it is called daydreaming. But as we sit in the faceless crowd, when all eyes are on the pianist and when all of our surroundings subdue, our breathing sway to the melodious transitioning of keys on the piano and the sudden attainment of peace we hail as profound. The looking glass, as mentioned in the previous post is an amazing invention.

We detach ourselves from the formidable society. In the bus, we look through the window not with the senses to feel the reality, but with a certain distance. Psychologically, we achieve this through our ear muffs or the music played into our ears from our music players. Anyhow, we yearn to escape. Because inside each one of us, there is a silent thinker. There is a chemical of individualism that we feel is incomprehensible to others. We sit in hot tubs and allow silence to accommodate the sound of our breathing.

As we sit and allow our brains to run free, we smirk at the thought of the struggling man and see freedom in our simple act of peace. For now, my escapism ends as I cannot resists the fine day. Let us not lost ourselves in the translation of dreams and words into actions. Let us not be cynical. Let us wind back to the simple days of smiles and laughter. Let us love.

Sincerely,
Noah

 

 

Architecting A Blueprint

A Month...

Business: Personal Wealth Generator and A Giveback to Society

Recently, I was stuck in a rut. As usual, I have high expectation on Noah And Alice and as a man, I’ve not been living up to my expectation or neither did I suck the marrow out of life. So last week, I purchased a book I had my eye on: Cashflow Quadrant: Guide To Financial Freedom by Robert T.Kiyosaki.

Penniless or Financially Free

To discuss my passions and dreams in a post is physically an impossible and insensible task. Therefore, forgive me for not making the introduction about myself I promised way way in the beginning of this blog. To just provide you guys some context: I am a greedy hedonist whose life has been the envy of many and failures which provided me with million dollars lessons. I have an ambition to be a self-employed quant who creates his own economic models for personal wealth generation.

And so, as I glanced through the bookshop for a good book to read, the word Financial Freedom gave my heart a little tug as if my body is saying to me, “buckle up boy, you gotta live life as a youth.”

As of now, I am still on the first few chapters of the book. But I must admit, I learned more in the first few chapters of this book than the entire End of Poverty all together. As a self-professed perfectionist, I’ve always wanted to get hands-on with my projects: blog, career, education and all. Without much insight, I’ve always see self-employment as an optimal solution. Though I’ve not been advised much, I pretty much figured out that employment would be a slow race to financial freedom. Besides the need to tolerate the big guns, the suppression of individuality and the wages are not that appealing. You pretty lose the rights of your work to your company. I believe if I actually have the intellectual capabilities of creating an economic model, it’s too valuable to be given away.

But as I read Kiyosaki’s side of reasoning, Business seems like a good first step before stepping in to investment. It’s already established that an economics model would be a wealth generator. But as I take into account the needed working hours and the capital, self-employment as good as it is, would n0t be a very ideal option after all.

As Kiyosaki explained, business is as much of the product as the system itself. When you start a business, products are of secondary concerns. It’s the system that keeps the operation going and the sales consistent. Besides, as qualification holders proliferate, starting up a business is actually a philanthropic action. After all, business generate employment. I would have the creme de la creme working for me, and they in turn have a secure job with high pay. The initial operation would definitely be hard to endure, but as soon as everything fall into place, the system would be generate income without you even working.

Moreover, the income generated could be used as investments: money working for money as Kiyosaki says. It wouldn’t be a bad idea if I get myself into this world of business. The next set of skills I should acquire could probably be strategic foresight.

Here is all for now. I am glad I am passionate again about life. This blog will definitely see some great changes in my life.

Sincerely,
Noah

Coming up!

Lately I’ve not been able to catch a break.
Life as it seems, paces like a bullet train.
In short, I’ve been living. (=

Sorry my dear readers, you’ll have to just make-do with this list of upcoming posts. As you see I am transitioning from a more personal journal writing to some thought-provoking posts. I hope soon enough this venture will be a personal favourite to some of you out there.

Blog posts to come:

1# The correlation between Economics and Politics
2# The rebirth of neo-nazi: Cossacks
3# The stability of two lovebirds: family
4# Wishlist for the year
5# Success: now or never
6# Book of the week
7# Business: economics and generator of wealth

Stay tune for more!

Sincerely,
Noah

Forbode The Formidable Future of Possible Heartbreaks

“There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments will define us for the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it’s only when you’re tested that you discover who you truly are. And it’s only when you’re tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief. And beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead.”

 It seems like only yesterday that I was lying down on my bed with a bag of chips and four seasons of One Tree Hill. But yesterday was in fact two years ago. The sight acknowledges the present, the mind plans the future, but the heart and our memories expound on the past.

The curtain was supposed to fall 5 hours ago. But as I lie down on that crease-free bedsheets, my heart twitched at a sudden thought of heartbreaks. There were no events which triggered the idea to walk down this path at possibly the worst time one could think of. As I reminisce on the 4 years (as I only watched four seasons of OTH), I couldn’t help but look at the collective memories and collages on the net.

The pace of society is now such that reminiscent is a privileged past time. We no longer delight at the present like a walk in the park. I digress. Just looking at a picture of Brooke crying sent chills down my spine. Any OTH fan would smile in consensus too. In fact, any true fan would happily agree to sit down and talk for hours through a cup of coffee.

Alice and I met in a store opening about five months ago and from strangers, we create a fairytale of our own. From the courageous period of courtship to the surreal moments of creating memories, Alice and I became from total strangers to inseparable. Literally inseparable.

But life, the reality of falling in love suddenly became formidable. That’s the beauty of watching dramas. One Tree Hill as real as it seem – sending tears rolling down and making our hearts melt and fond – is in our control. When emotions explode to the point we cannot handle, the remote control is just 2 or 3 feet away. The beauty and the perfect justification for watching One Tree Hill. Deep down in our hearts, we know the unmerciful nature of life, and therefore live in the soul of these characters.

We cried as if we were dumped when Brooke Davis was left by Lucas. We sat on our sofas, apathetic with no tears left to cry. when we are caught between the complexity of their lives all intertwined in a web. It was a temporary escapism but compared to sports, games or music, one tree hill is a more sophisticated replica of life. It is relevant and yet seem personal.

Though we are optimistic about our dreams and ambitions, we are somehow pessimistic about finding true love. Perhaps the heartbreaks or the thought of one would be too devastating to handle. The mental aggravation it seems to both male and female to be unimaginably horrific. But as I found my Alice and decided to walk this short span of 50 years together, the present and the future seem brighter and too dear to be spent biting our nails about petty things. But yet the unimaginable or impossible became a reality and heartbreaks hold a small probability.

Don't they?

 But as I vent my fears. The quote from Lucas will always be my comfort to counter the beautiful art by Peyton Sawyer. Because deep in my heart, the fearful child is just a reminder.  Alice is a fateful partner. Though no fortune tellers can affirm, my heart has never doubted or flicked: on the day I saw her, the day I proposed, and the everyday I spent with her.

I’ll end this night with the comforting words of the Ol’ William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116:
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds
Or bends with the remover to remove
O No! It is an ever fixed mark
That looks on tempests
And is never shaken

Sincerely,
Noah

Through The Looking Glass

“So am I. But I want to be confused with you”

Outside the realm of love

 Flashbacks from the past start overshadowing the present imagery in front of my sight. Presently as of last weekend, in front of my sights are different signs of love:Alice’s parents chauffeuring us around for meals and ingredients for Alice’s diet plan; Alice sitting down in her garden with her grandmother like British simpletons; Alice’s 7-year-old sister amusing herself with two beans bags and a mattress; Alice’s second sister allowing me to peep and catch a glimpse of her soul.

Instantaneously, I was extracted out of that present state by a force. A force unseen, a force not evil nor forceful, but a force nevertheless which diverts me back to a scene in How I Met Your Mother.

I stood there, but no longer a participation of that gathering. I was what people would say a third person. A sense of familiarity sank in and I realize my road has finally converged with that of the legen-wait for it-dary Barney Stinson. Like him, I stood there outside the realm of love created by an unseen bond. I was Barney Stinson standing in front that door, looking into the cafe, envisioning the future he would one day want to have. I was the little child looking through the candy store window. I developed a yearning.

Outside a sanctuary

The looking glass is a wonderful invention. An angle of perspective. Sometimes a separator. A display of event and incident. The window is just a magnified looking glass. As I stood still in many moments during that day, I became  boy filled with fear, a boy who finds courage in being pretentious.A taste of being outside the realm of love certainly is intriguing and lasting. As of  Alice and I, the realm we are in are still in it’s preliminary stages of foundational building. But I can safely say we’ve built our own circle of love.

Sincerely,
Noah

Construction on The Way

Jack Of All Trade

To be perfectly honest, blogging is no different than running your own publication.The only difference?
You’re the head of marketing, sales manager, chief editor, page designers and etc.

Becoming a blogger pretty much grooms you to be a know-it-all in the magazine business.You have to design, observe your blog stats, come up with fresh ideas and topics and lastly publicize it.

Result: Millions of  ‘dead’ blogs’

As of now, the direction of Escapism of Noah’s Bed is pretty much still diaphanous and vague. Probably because I want this baby to become a lifestyle companion for all you readers out there. Pretty ambitions eh?

Still Master Of Nothing

This blog will not only release monthly reviews on the latest album and movies, but also my progress as an academic scholar and a life enthusiast. As an aspire autodidact and renaissance man, I will record my progress in this humble journey of mine. My beloved yet not anywhere in sight readers, let the wonders of Noah & Alice’s journey unfold in front of your sight.

Sincerely,
Noah